Recitatif- the experiment

Along the fault lines between the seen and unseen

What could be that belongs to two different sides of a spectrum, two divides of a gulf and plays a crucial role in shaping the very identity of both. Gender, sexuality, language, region divide, religion, class and caste are perhaps some of these divides that has always been instrumental in creating divides and forging identities of commonalities as well. These are divides of inabilities at times and divides of abilities as well.

It could be the wedge that separates a child with home cooked meals in her lunch box everyday from another with a packet of Lays in his pocket.

These divides are screaming and loud as they are silent and unseen at others. No matter whether perceptible or imperceptible, these divides are always present. These divides are as real as the people whom they divide.

Walking to work today morning I passed by a very elderly lady. Hunched with age and perhaps possible circumstances, she was picking out empty cans from the green trash bins that dot the entire garden city. I noticed a black trash bag beside her as well. There were a few empty plastic bottles in that. She shuffled her way from one bin to another, rummaging through the half-eaten food, the mound of tissues and straws, the disposable food packs and drink take aways. She was collecting them to be sold at a pittance. An image of ‘want’ amidst the plenty. The bins around a food court on a Monday morning was a place where she could have a lucrative pick. The commuters walked past her, intent on their purposeful strides towards respective places of work. She was unseen, almost invisible.

I have heard of a similar story unfolding in Germany at the university campus. Elderly come there to sift through the bins labelled “Plastic only” or “Recycled”. A group is engaged in ‘upcycling’ and ‘purposeful recycling’ feeding the chain of greed and want and also giving a generous pat on the back for being sensitive to the environment!

Back home, real stories of people across visible divides of gender and age, language and religion, working on the top of garbage piles are a sight too common for comfort. They often find mentioned in documentaries, award winning photographs, films with little viewership and in memorabilia of foreign tourists. These images, in the said contexts, angers us a little and makes us very uncomfortable. They are closely guarded secrets not meant to be discussed and shown in the public. They are an infringement to our ‘cultural ethos’. The overriding emotion of failing our children, misleading our youth, rejecting our elderly is swept under the blanket of ‘culture and history’. But then again, remorse, action against injustice and unfair policies are not an easy emotion to develop. They require thought, introspection, integrity and sensitivity. It is easier to call them “invasion to privacy” by foreigners. We stand divided again, on the two sides of acts of redress.

Roberta and Tawyla belongs to two sides of a divide. A divide of race. Their anonymity of identity therefore brings the focus to the ‘divide’ in itself, or the divides perhaps. Divides that are naturalised, desensitized, overlooked and often ignored. The lines along which the divisions are made not the superficial ones, easily visible in plain daylight. They are the divides that run deep. Deep under the cover of the night, surreptitious, unnoticed. There are only two sides in that story, the identity of the divide and the identity of the people it divides.

Recitatif is an unique work which brings together the life and the journey of two young girls, briefly united, grown apart and reunited as adults. Their stories are like many other stories- of isolation, neglect, poverty, fitting in and not fitting in. their stories are similar and yet different. A difference where their racial identity is not revealed but left to the supposition and generalisation of the reader.

 

The onus is on the reader, where would you delve into your idea of who is who?

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Knife- Meditations after an Attempted Murder

Stories have their own journey. They embody freedom. They embody the vision of us that perhaps we fail to visualise. Stories are a part of us, they are our history, culture, language, our beliefs, practices and rituals, our community, our individual and collective self. They are our past, our present. With all its incidents and history, with the many narratives of history, perspectives of ideas, and reasons for actions. Or, inactions, at times. Stories are also our future. They hold within themselves the possibilities of the impossible. They are our dreams and aspirations, ideas and visions. They help to spin that magical space where we would experience ‘our owns elves’, just the way we want it!

And writers are those magicians who make it all possible. They hold within themselves to spin that yarn which can have the capacity to enamour us, completely. As readers, what we can offer to create is a space to wield that magic. Spin that yarn. Build those castles in the air. To question or take away the freedom of the writers is akin to controlling our very thought, imagination and consciousness. The battle of ‘Baat mat Karo’ was waged against ‘Khattam Shud’ to stop the ‘Sea of Stories’ from drying up. It is perhaps a task to be taken up by all ‘Harouns’ to steal the giant ‘plug’ that was meant to seal the source of stories! Keeping the magic of stories alive, and thereby the magic of life itself!

Room 101, at the basement of the ‘Ministry of Love’ in George Orwell’s 1984. Was a place where one encountered one’s deepest fear, the worst thing imaginable in the world. The face of this fear was not alike. For Winston Smith, the novel’s protagonist, it was ‘rats’. For Rushdie, it was inability to see. A ‘knife’ did just that.

Knife: Meditations after an attempted murder, is a book on meditations. Meditative thoughts on many aspects and imaginations that have intrigued the author and have evoked emotions, fathomable and unfathomable. It is a book on the many everyday things of life which one moves through. Some of which are taken for granted like the capacity of the field of vision, literally. Most importantly, it is a book on love and courage, where one cannot survive without the other. It is also a book of indomitable conviction on the power of writing and storytelling!

In that one short affair called life where the past cannot be retrieved, no matter what, one gets a glimpse into the person who is Salman Rushdie. He stands out from the multiplicity of identities that he has. He stands out as the author.

This is not just a recollection of events, a memoir. It is but a putting forward of oneself. Authentic. Stark. Genuine. With promises and fears. With hopes and desperations. With the ups and downs. With optimism and vulnerability. With anger and bewilderment. It is an honest work of examining oneself through all these various emotional facets that form our being, that is our desire to be.

Freedom is the capacity to change. It entails the intentionality of desire to be. The desire of disclosure of being. As we as readers sought after that magical ‘Land of Stories’, what right do we have to curtail and question the very hand that writes them? Freedom of expression is perhaps a fundamental right in the world of creativity. To hold back the truth of creation is an complete contradiction to the very ethos of ‘creativity’-which embodies freedom.

Knife- meditations after an attempted Murder, is also perhaps a book about freedom. A book celebration freedom.

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A New Spelling of my Name- Audre Lorde

Zami: A New Spelling of my Name

Audre Lorde

The story of ‘Zami’ began with her childhood. The author’s childhood. Began in her childhood. Like all stories, the memories of her childhood came from the collective memories of herself, her mother and her sisters. Of the many women she knew. The many women who knew her. She was herself and the vision of herself, ‘the gulf between who I was and her vision of me’ filled by the ‘mythography’.

Near sighted, overweight, black girl growing up in Harlem, in the 1940’s. That quite says it all. Sums it all up. The missing of ‘home’, a home far away, being ‘unseen’, the correctness of everyday living. A childhood which understood, or rather felt, with confusion at times, why there were no stories about them. A childhood that questioned it. Tentatively. Defiantly. Loudly. Brazenly. A childhood, an adolescence that was looking for an affirmation of just being whoever she was. She walks through life stumbling, losing way, finding it again. Finding love in places she didn’t expect. Seeing out adventures and memories. Holding on to her ideas of who she was and what others thought of her.

“…how very difficult it is at times for people to see who or what they are looking at, particularly when they don’t want to.”

Throughout the narrative there are people who fit into the group of ‘don’t want to’. They don’t see ‘her’ because their own perceptions are perhaps clouded by their own identity. Perhaps that is why her companions did not see the struggles of being a ‘black’ lesbian. For them the identity of being a lesbian encompassed all. Even her partner did not notice the comment of the old lady at the laundry. She (Mauriel) should try on ‘showing her legs’ which was bestowed at her. Muriel, Lesbian, White.

This book is not just a narrative of past events, a journal entry of memories and affect. It is a realisation of the many different facets that make experiences that turn into memories, worth remembering and worth forgetting. It is about being of colour. Being a woman. Being a woman having a different sexual orientation.

This book is about identity. About having one, questioning it, coming to terms with it, struggling with it, wearing it like a crown and holding it like a shield. The many that she was.

Identity is part real and part imagery. It is always a Biomythography. A Term coined by Audre Lorde herself, describes ‘identity’ as to what it is. A blend of who we are, who we were and who we aspire to be. Realities and imaginations, history and aspirations, stories of identity weaves back and forth between the many different realms of the world.

‘Zami’ a Carriacou name for women who work the field as friends and lovers.

‘Zami’ is a name of a collective. A group. A group that shapes and individual and individuals who shape the group.

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Black Skin White Masks: Frantz Fanon

“Every citizen of a nation is responsibleforthe acts perpetrated in the name of that nation.” Francis Jeanson

Being the other, creating the other, perpetuating the other. Eroding dignity, respect. Stripping one out of the self-image, shredding it into pieces, mercilessly laying it bare in all its nakedness and vulnerability.

Black Skin White Masks is perhaps more than that. Much deeper, much wider and much more damaging. Yet, it is not a work of desperation. Of venting out. It is a quest for dignity. A similar quest, an identical search on which many embarks. The search for dignity. The search for humanity, immanent within all humans. The colour of the skin that is black, is more than skin deep. It permeates

the very existence of the black man and distorts the way he perceives himself in the realm of mankind. He is not born inferior. He is just born with a certain colour of skin. This sets him plummeting down the tunnel of indignity. Unknown at first it becomes bewildering as time goes. Gradually it is the Black Man who dons the ‘white mask’ of violence and oppression towards others. It is therefore not the mere oppression of one by another but creating a perpetual cycle of violence. Violence wielded by the dominant over the non-dominant. The face of the dominant alters as does the face of the oppressed. Sometimes they are black. Sometimes, they are the ‘dalit’, ‘tribals’, the slum dwellers, the poor, the women, the transgenders. Through the space time continuum of languages and states, through the divides of oceans, divides of customs and histories, divides of past that weaves into the present and the present that permeates the future, the oppressed and the oppressors have many faces. Yet their stories remain the same.

Fanon states, “All forms of oppression are alike. They all seek to justify their existence by citing some biblical decree. All forms of exploitation are identical, since they apply to the same “object”: man” “Colonial racism is no different from other racisms” idea of ‘good life’ permeates his thought and mind and soon translates into purposeful actions. These actions are laced with the idea of leaving all that binds him to his past. Suddenly the friends are too raucous, the heat is too oppressive, the villages are too backward, and the air is too polluted! An outsider’s perception seen through the lenses of colonialism and oppression, sees everything different from themselves, wanting in someways. The others, therefore, are viewed as ones needing guidance, leadership, ideas, hand holding. “The simplicity of the Negro is a myth created by superficial observers.” To address and redress the misgivings, reinforced by the guilt complex, the white man initiates development. Roads penetrate their sacred forests, temples of popular God built over their places of indigenous worship, the stone and the tree are replaced by deities made of stone. Their economy of exchange is replaced with money, their community practices of learning from every day is replaced with school book teaching of “I am a little teapot”. The mantle of developing the oppressed is taken up with much seriousness, to dim the differences.

The ‘black man’ welcomes these changes and perceives a future similar to the one he had so desired. It is like a dream coming true. Soon “the black child subjectively adopts the white man’s attitude.” Based on imagination or at least illogical reasoning, the oppressor finds it imperative to point out the sheer dependency of the oppressed on their masters. Deprived of their land and customs, denuded of their contexts, coaxed into an alien understanding of development and acceptance, the oppressed, find themselves at the crossroads. Either to reclaim their identity or to forever remain alien at the periphery of their oppressor’s world. “…society has crushed his old world without giving him a new one.” He is never quite understood. Never quite accepted. Never quite assimilated. He remains an outsider, the identity and the black skin, stark and irremovable. “An attitude of recrimination towards the past, a lack of self-esteem and the impossibility of making himself understood.”

the impossibility of making himself understood.”

He has to fight the fight all over again. However, this time, the fight is not just about reclaiming the past. Not just about the colour of one’s skin. A fight of human values of freedom and dignity. Of respect and equity. Of equality and a levelled playing field. He has to take up the fight for assimilation of developing a collective consciousness and understanding. “To fight with all (my) life and all my strength so that never again would people be enslaved on this earth.”

“…simply try to touch the other, feel the other, discover each other.”

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